On forgiving

Forgiveness is a hard thing.  It's something I have had occasion to give many times, and many more times to seek for myself.  It's not just a hard thing, I think it's the hardest thing.  At least it is for me.  I am not an easily offended person, but I do have a limit, and once past that limit, forgiveness does not come cheaply to me.  I know I'm supposed to give it, "until seventy times seven" but somehow that doesn't make the doing of it easy.  I know it's the right thing, for my own sake, at least, not to hold on to bitterness and resentment.  Forgiveness frees one from the burden of negativity, the kind that literally eats a person's soul from the inside out.  I know because the negativity has begun feasting on mine numerous times, and it was the conscious choice to stop going down that path that was the beginning of another.  Once I made that choice, I did things like trying to see that person's good points, or from his/her perspective, praying for that person, trying to be humble and let go of the anger, talking to others about it, working through it in my mind.  All these things were good things and helped, but were never enough.  The only sure solution to the search for elusive forgiveness was to pray for forgiveness.  When forgiveness comes to me, the kind needed after serious injuries or offenses, it has been a miracle every time, a gift that was given, because it was beyond my personal ability.  It came to me because I was unable to reach that far, and because I asked for it.  Once forgiveness comes, healing comes with it.  To me forgiveness is healing.  It replaces the misery that has been taken away.  I say taken away, because that's exactly what I mean.  Only God can do the "taking away" and leave the good in its place.  We can do our part by wanting to forgive and trying to forgive, but the actual forgiving comes when He brings it to us and places it in our hearts.  And once God does do that, it takes me staying on my spiritual toes not to let the negativity creep back in.  When I say spiritual toes, I mean, doing the things that keep me close to God like scriptures and prayer, and watching my thoughts.  It all starts in the thoughts.  Those thoughts do come to me, thoughts about wrongs received.  I can choose to indulge in them and throw myself back into the pit of despair, or I can banish them immediately, from the very start.  I don't like the pit of despair.  I've been there before and it's a dark, hellish place.  God has given me the gift of forgiveness many times, after my many and fervent pleas, and in doing so has lifted me up and out of the dark pit of anguish, into the light of healing and happiness. I choose happiness and healing.  I choose liberating forgiveness, and I choose the loving, merciful God who affords it to me.

Ah relief! by Siwa

It has been raining a lot more lately, you can feel summer ending

 and fall beginning when the weather gets like this.

Our Lemongrass after the rain.

Crotons are beautiful plants. No two leaves are ever the same. Each leaf is a different combination of reds, purples, greens, oranges and yellows.

Rain drops on one of our citrus trees.

Another wet Croton.

This is another Croton. You can see the leaf in the background, inverted inside the droplet.

Down in the doldrums

For over a week a hot humid blanket has settled over me.  It's been thick in the air, stifling, sapping. It's been a week of listlessness and mental cloudiness. Not the best atmosphere for blogging. I know I said I wouldn't blog about messy rooms or stressful days, and I'm not, heat is entirely different, right?  Isn't it? Maybe not so different.  Ah well. . .

This morning I woke to find the heat blown away, the ground soaked and limbs hanging heavy with drenched leaves.  A change is in the air.  Just thinking about fall has me rubbing my mental palms together in anticipation. Fall- when we actually get to wear a sweater and long pants, and maybe even socks, when my lavalavas go into a drawer.  It's when we get to snuggle up with a blanket and read a good book, and think deep thoughts; but the crispness in the air still lends us vigor and we want to get out and hike the hills.  Our leaves won't be changing color too much, but green is my favorite color.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for the breezes blowing in through the windows and for the sight of swaying trees again.  Even now I feel a cool wind coming in through the screen door, and enthusiasm and energy come riding in with it.  I'm back and glad to be here.

Saturday scenes

Last evening we went for a quick swim.  The girls have been sick, so it's been slow around here.  Mary is on the mend and so glad to get back in the water.

 This crazy dog was tearing up the sand.  She made friends with Siwa.  I saw them sitting side by side at the water's edge.

Hope rising

Sometimes things combine to weigh a body down, and that's where I was, heavy.  

This morning I got up early, after a good night's rest. 

 I read my scriptures and prayed, 

and then I caught part of the sunrise.
While down at the beach I saw the son of some friends of ours.
I hadn't seen him in a very long time.  He was there watching the sun rise, too.
 We had a nice talk and even though I don't know him very well, I was really glad to see him.
I felt such a fondness for him and was so uplifted by our short conversation.  
You never know who will brighten your day, or whose day you yourself may make.
 God often answers prayers through others.

 I can feel hope rising. . .

It's going to be a good one.

Siwa took this one from the rooftops on another morning.
It feels like hope to me.

note: 

I wrote these words on a different day, but didn't send them earlier because it was time for our nature sightings post.

Out and about by Siwa

Some scenes from here and there:

A banana stalk fly (Telostylinus lineolatus) perched on the thorns of a tree at  the Ho'omaluhia Botanical Garden.

A sunset swim.

Lau Pele also known as Edible Hibiscus (Abelmoschus manihot) is a vegetable common on many of the Pacific Islands.  

Red Tilapia in the lake at Ho'omaluhia botanical garden. These fish are so used to people feeding them that they come right to the shore where the water is only a few inches deep.

A note from Diana:

With very few exceptions, every picture on this blog was taken by Siwa.  I want to thank her for tirelessly recording  the world through our family's eyes, and more particularly through her own.  Even though she is no longer a child, she hasn't lost the ability to see life with wonder and appreciation for the smallest of details.  It's as if she goes through life carrying a magnifying glass.  I so admire that in her.  Thanks Siwa for magnifying the world for the rest of us through your lens.

Focusing on the light

Lately I've been thinking about how my life, according to this blog, might look to some.  To some it might seem like I live in a fairyland.  I have a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back and am surrounded by beauty everyday; I have loving friends and family and I live with the assurance that God is involved in my life.  I'm not delusional or in denial. I know my life is not perfect, but I choose not to write detailed descriptions of messy rooms or focus on anxious, stressful or sad days, for the very fact that we all have those days. It's just a given, part of the earthly equation. Stressing these moments is not helpful to me, no matter how "real" or "authentic" they may make me seem to my readers.

This blog has always been about happiness, and hope- for me and for anyone else who may be reading. I choose to focus on the good and beautiful and lovely, not because that's all there is in my life, but because it draws happiness to me.  I have good days and bad days, but overall I am happy.  I am happy ( I wanted to say that again because I like to say it) because I choose to be.  I choose happiness by including the things that bring happiness into my life- like God and family.  Another thing that brings a whole lot of joy to me is gratitude- savoring the gifts of life, noticing them and relishing them. 

Today I was driving home and slowed to let a little old lady cross the street.  The oncoming traffic had already stopped and formed a line of about four or five cars, headed by a woman in a black truck.  The little lady was wearing a pink muumuu and was slowly pulling a wagon with two potted plants in it.  To show her appreciation to the woman in the black truck for stopping for her, she was smiling and waving to  her the entire time that she plodded across the road.  She never dropped her waving arm once.  The woman in the truck was beaming at her, and I couldn't help but smile, too.  When the lady finally made it across and traffic resumed, the woman in the truck and I passed each other.  For one split second our heads turned and our eyes met, and we beamed at one another, too.  This whole moment took about one minute, and I could easily have forgotten it.  Instead I chose to notice it and savor it, not to let it go, but to hold it cupped in my memory like a precious find.

Happiness can be contagious, if you let it be. I hope my words will never be a source of discouragement to any one of you, or that they never create unrealistic expectations because I choose to focus on the positive.  You can be sure the hard times are there, but I'm going to continue to look to the light, because I rather like being happy.  I hope you do too, and if you do, keep reading, because happiness is contagious you know.