The motherland

I'm feeling the pull of the ancestral roots today. Although I've been living away from Samoa for 27 years, I still occasionally get homesick. I lived in Samoa from the time I was four until I was sixteen. I went away to college then and never lived there again. I have returned for vacations and extended visits, but my permanent address has always been elsewhere from that time on. I love Samoa. You know those scenes in the movies where a person returns home after a long absence and they fall on the ground and kiss it? That's how I feel when I go home. No I don't kiss the ground at the airport, but I might have in the past at a certain favorite beach of mine, when no one was looking. I love Samoa for the land and its beauty. It's the greenest, most lush place I have ever been. And green feeds my soul, the way blue (the ocean) feeds my husband's. I love Samoa for its people- so ready to laugh, so ready to give, so laid back, except when they're mad. I love Samoa most of all for my family. I have two nieces that I have never held in my arms and my father's birthday is coming up. I'll have to content myself with sending a box. That's what Samoans do that live abroad, they send boxes to show their love, and sometimes envelopes. So this post is going out to all the Sams living in homes away from home. Happy as we may be where we are, and as much as we may need to be where we are, we still feel the tug on the heartstrings when the family and the motherland come up. May these pics help, and feed your soul.

These were taken by Siwa last summer. 

How I feel about God

"How do we know that God loves us?"  That was a question asked of us in church this past Sunday.  Its a question that has been repeated in my mind over and over again since, and today I'd like to address it.

First, let me say that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Through it I have learned that I am a child of a kind and loving Heavenly Father and that His love is manifest in countless ways.  

It is manifest in his mercy.  I have felt His forgiveness many, many times.  It’s incredibly liberating and nothing motivates me to try harder to do better than that.  I have found Him to be constant and reliable.  I know I will always get the truth from Him and that His answers to my prayers will be for my greatest good.  He says “yes” as often as He can and “no” when whatever it is that I’m asking for is not right for me.   I know that I’m safe with Him and I can trust Him.

His patience with me has taught me patience.  When I find myself getting frustrated that things aren’t as I want them, like when people aren’t doing what I think they should or living up to my expectations, I remember how patient and understanding He’s been with me.  It helps me to slow down, take a breath and see things from another’s perspective.

There have been times when I have been really hard on myself and, whether out loud or to myself, have said unkind and untrue things.  In answer to these untruths, that inner, still small voice tells me that I must never demean or belittle myself, that such thinking and speaking is unworthy of me, and beneath me, as a child of a God.  

I think if we could really see how God feels about us- not how we perceive that He feels about us, but truly feel what He feels, we would all like ourselves a whole lot better; or at least not have done the things that make us dislike ourselves in the first place, because we wouldn’t ever want to disappoint such loving and high expectations.  We would realize how realistic those expectations are if we would give ourselves a chance and believe in ourselves, or in some cases, if we could only be patient with ourselves and our circumstances until we do fulfill them.

I’ve been coming to know Him and learning to love Him all these years, and I’m still working on it.  It’s a developing relationship that brings me more joy than anything else.  It’s a relationship brimming with love- love that I feel from God, which in turn, increases mine for Him.  The better I get to know Him, the more I love myself and others, too.

The longer and better I know God, the more I find my shallow perceptions of myself and others shattered.  Through God, I have come to truly love myself, to see the value and incredible potential in others, to love in spite of imperfection, and to hope for the good in others even when all hope seems lost.  That is what I have come to know and expect from my constant, kind, and most loving Father in Heaven. 

Siwa Sightings

I'm the resident biologist in this family and my name is Siwa. Nature Sightings is where I post my pictures of bugs, birds, fish, plants, landscapes, or anything I see outside that I find interesting, beautiful or funny.

A Hawaiian monk seal that came to sleep on the reef. He rolled over into a tide pool giving him the half light half dark look. Hawaiian monk seal are critically endangered and found no where else in the world except in the Hawaiian islands.

Left-handed Hermit Crab.  I found him under a rock in the shallows. He was very obliging and came out to pose for some pictures.

A snapping shrimp.  These shrimps can be found under rocks in tide pools. You can distinctly hear them making a sharp clicking noise with their large claws, whether you are under water or above it.

I have no idea what kind of crab this is. I was lifting rocks when I found him. I love the way the spots on his claws look luminescent.

Warning: Serious illness, death, or depression may occur.

A grainy planthopper (Kallitaxila granulata). Planthoppers are pests that suck sap from plants. I can't help but like them anyway because of how beautiful they are. This particular species is my favorite.

On Entrepreneurship

Jesse is sixteen  and a business woman.  I know because I stood in line with her to get her business license.  She had an idea and she worked on it, and then reworked it until she had a finished product.  She took it to a buyer and she liked it and bought it.  It sounds simple but it took her MANY hours of hard work and, although we've never discussed this part, courage.  It takes courage to start a business, to believe that you can produce or provide something that other people want.  It takes courage to gather/sacrifice resources and put time and effort into something that may all come to naught.  It takes courage to approach people and offer them your precious idea, materialized into a tangible product, almost like wearing your heart on your sleeve.  But she did it all.  The first time she met with the buyer, I took her to her appointment, but I sat in the car while she showed her product.  I didn't know if this was a good idea or not.  For all I knew the buyer might try to swindle her.  It just felt like the right thing to do.  She walked out of the meeting with an order and at her asking price.  I can't tell you what that felt like for me, as her parent.  Now when I look at her, I see strength and courage, and I admire her tremendously.

Here is her product: Sling bags in Samoan prints

Here are some shots from our impromptu photo shoot (that means we decided we needed some  photos to show with the bags at a meeting she was going to, so we stopped at the beach on the way and Siwa took them):

 My strong, courageous woman

The mountains and the sea part 2

 Last evening we went to Sunset Beach to watch the sunset.  We got there when it was light and found little groups of people scattered all over the beach waiting for the same thing.  There was a rainstorm out to sea.  We could see it slowly moving in the direction of the sun.  By the time the sun was ready to begin its final descent, it was clear the storm would be covering it.  It was as if a host of rainclouds were converging at the exact same spot the sun would be setting.  I was a little disappointed when I realized this.  A man with a huge camera came walking by and jokingly said, "Where's the sun?  I thought this was Sunset Beach."  

When I turned my attention back to the clouds, I noticed all sorts of things about them.  There was the thick center that was covering the sun, but there were several other types of clouds in the outermost areas of the mass.  They were all shapes, colors, textures, and sizes.  My favorites were the wispy white ones that I think are called cirrus clouds.  We called them angel wings and were pointing out to each other the different types of clouds and the directions they were heading.  It was a peaceful almost reverent feeling on the beach.  We were all focused on the same thing, something far out to sea, something unexpected yet very beautiful nonetheless.  The cloud mass was so huge, but the sun faithfully sent its rays shooting out at the edges, so that they gave the storm a bit of silver lining.  

The storm is just about to cover the sun.

Time to go home.

Felila

My felila (that's Samoan for bougainvillea) are in full bloom. They like full sun and less rain, so they always explode in the summer.  Every morning and all throughout the day, I look out the window and see this riot of color and I feel happy.  My mother and father planted these for me, and when two bushes died, they came back and planted more.  After all these years the wait has paid off.

One day a lady passed me while I was trimming them.  She said, "It must be a pain to always be cutting that back."   "Yeah," I replied "but it's worth it when they bloom."

Just wanted to share the "bloom."  Hope it makes you happy too.

This is what they look like on the other side of the wall.

Other things that make me happy:

My Guava

My Lilikoi (passion fruit)

On being a mother

Motherhood is the best job in the world.  I didn't always think so.  I'll be honest and say that when my kids were younger there were many difficult days, days when I cried, and days when I wanted to run from the house screaming.  But I stuck with it and I stayed with them.  I did it because I knew that being a mother was more than changing diapers and feedings, and burpings and endless laundry.  I knew that these little human beings although wrapped in smaller packages, were still my equals and that someday they were going to grow up; that the kind of adults they grew into depended, in large measure, on what I chose to do then, when they were little.  They needed to be loved and fed and taught right from wrong.  I made ALOT of mistakes over the years, but they (the kids) stuck with me, and forgave me, again and again and again. . . .

Some days I find myself looking around in surprised wonder.  I look up to  find that I'm surrounded by intelligent, funny, creative, and really good people and I wonder where they came from and how it is that I am so blessed to be their mother.  I look at them and my heart swells.  I can't imagine not having had any of them in my life.

And even though I still have hard, sad, painful, and/or irritating days, (like earlier today when I was trying to blog and it was really hot,  and I was having a serious case of writer's block and everyone kept coming into the room and reading over my shoulder and asking me what I was writing about), I've come to a place in the river, where the water runs more smoothly for me.  More than half of my children have reached adulthood or are on the verge of it.  The load is lighter because we share the work.  We have intelligent conversations about things that I like to talk about.  We laugh at the same jokes and read a lot of the same books and like to watch the same movies, except for Mary who can't stand Jane Austen.  And I find that my very best friends are here within the walls of my own home.

I truly believe that motherhood is the best job in the world, not just because it's so very important, but  because the rewards are out of this world.

Taken about seven years ago.  We've come a long way together since then.